The Island of Our Collective Dreams

"Soul searching, ego dropping, why do I do what I do?". I posted and deleted this the other day for fear of sounding insecure. But the fact is I am insecure sometimes. Who isn't? I stand before a vast open sea and I'm not really sure where to go or what to do next.

Theoretically I know, I've been learning about the music business for years, but it's a whole other game to take those first steps into the fog. Now that the album is done, I've raised enough to manufacture CDs and some marketing materials, but I still need to raise a few more bucks to put the album on vinyl. I don't mind taking out a loan to help pay if I see there is enough demand but this is new terrain for me - I have no idea how many people like or will like my music. It's the first time I have a professional product to stand on, but will people like it? Will they like it enough to part with their hard earned cash? That's one dilemma. Next is: what do I do to share and spread the music? I'm a one-man record label and it's hard to know where to go and what is the best investment of time. How do I align myself with the right people and places to synergize and succeed? 

There is an art to releasing an album, promoting it and touring, but I'm a rookie and it's quite daunting. Part of me wants to say fuck it and just do what is fun, but I think we all know that just chasing fun doesn't really work long term. Eventually you have to do real work. The trick is having fun along the way. I'm aware of that but when this giant cloud of fog looms between my dreams and where I currently stand, it's tempting to shrink back into the comfort zone.

So, soul searching, ego dropping, why do I do what I do? I'm trying to get to the point of why I play music and put so much love and energy into it. It's not sustainable yet and so I'm grappling with how I can make it sustainable while staying true to the art. Move beyond the ego centric motives, or rather, embrace them while embracing what I have to offer others. We are all egotistic people, we need to be to stay alive, but at some point we've got to shift that balance away from ourselves and ask "what am I doing for others?" Is there a balancing point between the ego's needs and the needs of others? Yes! I don't doubt it for a second. But finding that point, that center of gravity between my soul and the world around me, is tricky. I'm honing in on it (I hope!) but time will tell.

Until then, I wish you all the power and courage in the world to fulfill your dreams and find your center. If you can do the same for me I'm sure we will find our way through the fog to the island of our collective dreams.

"When you feel you've done about the best you can, fuck the wagon, come join the band. Vibrate higher." - Andre 3000 (Outkast)

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